ahem...

I don't quite understand it.
How some people can change... one day it's this way... the next day, that way is completely forgotten and I don't even know the person. or is it? do those people really change that quick, or is it a mind game they play--not only with themselves, but others too? Is that mind game meant to confuse the others, or subconsciously confuse themselves? Can the mind game be used to cope or is it malicious? if it's meant to just confuse the others, boy did it work on me. I don't do well with confusion because I'm a problem solver. So when I have this confusion, it pecks at me... and no matter how much I'd like to ignore it, it still continues to take its chunks of me. And I'm starting to hurt because I now see the possibility that the change is not subconcious and it never was. That it was a blatant change to get me...out of the picture. I'd like to think that I mean more than for someone to just pick me up and drop me when they say "time's up". I'd like to think that. I'd like to think I mean enough for someone to treat me the same nomatter where I am and not just forget about me the minute I move away. But I still sit here...feeling forgotten and trying to ignore the blatant change. I'd like to ignore it...and try to imagine the innocence of it all.
I even have excellent reasons to ignore it:
1)I'm in Iraq...so far away from everything...including the problem at hand
2)I have God. I should be able to get along solo with God no questions asked.
3)My day is full of things to keep my mind here overseas and away from the states
4)I'm okay being alone...
but I have to admit that I'm scared to death to be alone...to be forgotten.
All I'm saying is I don't quite understand it all. I'd like to be strong, be bullheaded and run into the thing that I'm most afraid of--being alone, possibly forgotten, because I know that is where I will become a stronger person. I'd like to accept the fact that I may not ever understand--and move on to bigger and better things. I just don't quite understand how.